"Delete her number.
Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.
Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.
She loves you.
She has been in love with you for too long.
So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.
Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.
Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.
Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.
What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.
Doggedly loyal to you.
That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reach out to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?
She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.
But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later."
It’s nice not to like someone sometimes. It’s just you and yourself. Nothing less and nothing more.
"So much in my heart, so little in my tongue."
Nakakadagdag talaga sa lalaki yung magandang ayos ng buhok.
"Kapag ang lalaki na ang unang nagtext, ibig sabihin no’n gusto ka nilang kausap. At kapag hindi na nagtext, ibig sabihin no’n, natatakot na siyang ma-reject ulit ng tao at malaman ang worth niya sa taong ‘yun. Mga simpleng “Hi.” at “Good morning.” na personal galing sa kaniya, may pinaparating ‘yon. Mapapansin mo rin ‘yun sa haba ng message niya. ‘Yun bang gusto niya mag-open ng topic pero napuputol dahil sa hindi mo pagreply. Sobrang awkward sa isang lalaki ang magbago ulit ng topic o kaya magmessage ulit dahil lang hindi mo nasagot ang unang tanong niya sa’yo. Ang lalaki, minsan lang magpahinga sa pagiging gago ‘yan. Dahil kapag ang lalaki, nagseryoso at ikaw ang dahilan? Isa ka na sa napakaswerteng babae sa mundo. Maraming babae ang naghababol ng atensyon ng isang lalaki. Ang lalaki, maraming pwedeng gawin. Maglaro, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero sa oras na magkaroon ito ng oras sa’yo? Sobrang espesyal mo. Especially kapag nakakausap mo siya habang naglalaro siya ng kahit na ano."
"It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly because we don’t really see ourselves. We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself."
|I do miss you, but you seem just fine without me.
Don’t let me get attached.
Please don’t. It will make it too hard when you leave. I know one day you will lose interest. You will find someone better. You will move on.
So please don’t let me get used to talking to you. Don’t tell me your favorite songs. Don’t kiss me or hug me. Don’t touch me at all. Don’t tell me your hobbies or favorite movies or your favorite places to go. Don’t tell me anything. Just go away now. Because you will leave anyway and I know I can’t handle it. The pain of hearing your favorite songs. Remembering the feel of your touch. Driving past your favorite places. Seeing your favorite movies. Not talking to you.
I don’t want to have to miss you. So don’t let me get attached. I don’t know how to let go. So don’t give me anything to hold on to. Because you will be gone and I would rather be turned down. Than to constantly miss you and what we could’ve been.
Don’t let me miss you.
Don’t let me get used to having you.
Everyone leaves, I know you’re no different.
"You don’t cross my mind, you live in it."